Tuesday, June 25, 2013

late night frustration/next morning encouragement

I am up late.
Not by choice,
more like demand,
because my toddler 
will NOT sleep.

I have done it all,
laid down with her,
let her lay down with me,
rubbed her feet/legs/back/head,
let her lay on the couch,
And each time i start to leave
or doze off,
she is up, whining and crying.
It's been over two hours since I first heard her
crying out from a bad dream, (I think).

My break?
It was alright,
I was still pretty present on social media,
but it was nice to be more mindful of it.
I am pretty anxious to be back on here at apple red again.

As I type this, I am waiting out the 
wiggly, very sleepy toddler next to me.
(Please give in to your heavy eyelids!)
Guys, I haven't felt like a great mom lately.
I mean, I know I am a good mom,
and I try to be,
but between poison ivy and pink eye,
I have been extra whiny and tired.
I am just going to say it...
I have been way selfish!
(deep breath)

And I know that I need me time,
trust me, I am not trying to be hard on myself,
but truthfully, I have allowed lots of distractions 
to overwhelm me, and steal my focus.
And all of them I am holding on to,
not quite sure how,
and not really wanting to,
let them go.

And when I try to juggle it all myself, 
I usually end up crying to God in the closet,
or crying on the couch at 4:30 in the morning,
not just because I can't juggle,
but because I am idiotic enough to think that I can,
by myself.
every time.

And after 4 hours she fell asleep,
then an hour later the baby got up.
sometimes life is funny.

I know I am not alone in this,
nights like last night,
aren't unique,
some of you have much worse nights.
I am sorry,
because right now I feel for you,
pure exhaustion.

Please, please remember,
that we weren't meant to do life on our own.
Please remind the person
in your mind right now,
who has it rough,
that He wants to do this life with us.

Because even though I am tired,
my healthy 9 month old is babbling 
and crawling around on the floor.
And even though my eye is goopy (yuck!)
it is healing, and won't last forever.
And even though so many things are out of my control,
I am alive, I have today, and I hope to glorify Him with it!

And Jesus spoke these words in Matthew:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
 and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 
for I am gentle and humble in heart, 
and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I love you all and its good to be back!


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