my intentional season

Happy Christmas!

So I married an amazing man,

(yes, you are, Bud, so deal with it).

It's true, he is the guy who helps me

put into words the struggles of my heart,

and tries to guide me toward the only One

who can meet me in them and get me out of them.

I am thankful for you, best friend.

After weeks of clinging to anything but the Creator,

I found myself surrounded by answered prayers,

but completely struggling to find joy in them.

So after a slight sob fest,

I bucked up and set my phone alarm to wake up before the little ladies,

and put it to my mind to start my day,

seeking Jesus first.

I opened a devotional where I had already quit mid-read, 

and read the words,

"Are You Running on Empty?"

Yes.

Yes, a thousand times, yes!

It's how I had been feeling for weeks!

After talking about the importance of taking care of yourself,

she began talking about the most important part of self care,

seeking solitude for

recharging and refueling,

or for me, refocusing.

She used examples from Jesus' life,

and ended with Paul's prayer for the Ephesians in his letter.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith --that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length, and height and depth, and to know that love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Ephesians 3:14-21

So, during this season filled with many wonderful gifts,

and after a year full of sorrow and wonderful things,

I hope to continue to seek Him first,

remember His love,

so I can be filled with Him,

and pour that out on my family this season.

I do hope you all have a beautiful Christmas finding the Son,

and remember to MAKE time to find Him, yourself!

I know I will!

**Joy to the world! The Lord has come!**

**Let earth receive her King!**

(incredible photo by Haze Nakai, Thanks Haze, and Happy Christmas!!)

funky monday...

But, seriously, am I the only one feeling this? Maybe.
Oh my stars, please stop whining Pip!!
So, this list is for me,
you are welcomed to read it,
maybe make your own,
but I am reminding myself of the many simple and wonderful blessings today.

School has been going rather well, once I lower my expectations for the day, ha!
Last friday we were spending some fun time with some family, and while asking my cousin about school and her replying with a grimace and telling me why she wasn't a fan,
Nora girl piped up and said, "I really love my school."
My heart, this girl knows how to make Mama cry.

My dearest friend, just had her baby boy, and I can't wait to snuggle him!
It is an amazing thing to pray so consistently for a sweet family this week,
and watch God answer with an abundance of love!

Saturday morning we spent with the windows open, listening to light rain,
feeling the chill, drinking cappuccinos, being all sorts of lazy. 

Morning/Evening FaceTime chats with my sister in law who lives in Japan, swapping funny stories about our kids, watching those same kids see each other via the internet, and her encouraging me through this time of transition for our family. She is pretty great!

Today I like sitting outside eating chocolate, watching nature explorers find new things and figure out what they are. All during Pip's nap!

And when your house won't sell, your poison ivy won't go away, and your toddler won't stop hitting, these things are really helpful to remember. 

Thank you Jesus for these kids, my family, and my life, and help me to hand over my burdens, recognize they are out of my control and focus on you, the good in my life You give.

And because today I need a reminder that she isn't always crying/hitting/yelling/whining/pooping/destroying/taking/spitting/throwing.

summer senses

seeing :: hummingbirds and bunnies in the backyard. Girls in little bright swimsuits sometimes sunbathing, mostly running and leaping into the little pool. 

smelling :: dirt and sweat, little girls play hard.

tasting :: Chocolate Cake, I made my first ever rosette cake for a garden party thrown by my mother in law, and I thought it looked pretty and rustic, and it tasted very rich, but by far my favorite part was baking and decorating it. I can't wait to try out some new cakes and I am already planning Pip's 2nd birthday cake!

hearing :: Cicada songs. The other night we were having dinner with all of our family, and we stepped outside to search for lightning bugs after dusk, and our ears will filled with cicadas humming all around us. The girls were so excited by the new noise, they couldn't stop smiling. It was a picturesque evening of childhood summer.

feeling :: cold?!  This summer has had some wonderful cooler nights and mornings, and at times I get to wear my new sweatpants, and snuggle into a blanket. 

The other morning, I got so giddy about upcoming fall, (it's my favorite!) because it felt and smelled fall-ish in the middle of July!!

planning :: home school for my girls. In light of all of the transitions and unknowns in our life, we have decided that we will try teaching the girls at home. I am feeling both nervous and excited for the upcoming year of kindergarten and preschool for my little ones.

reading :: When Children Love to Learn general editor, Elaine Cooper, which has been confirming and encouraging. Also, I should be receiving my copy of For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaffer McCauly soon. Both of these books dive into the Charlotte Mason method of educating and I am anxious to begin exercising what I am reading in our every day life.

listening :: The Civil Wars pandora station. 
I love this song.

talking :: when our family from Osaka, Japan was here, we talked late into the nights when our kids were finally in bed. It was wonderful having uninterrupted time with them. We love and support them in carrying out the Great Commission to the people of Japan.

laughing :: Jokes, Penny's babbling and now funny sentences.

We got a library card yesterday to the library in our new town, and of course the girls found a joke book and just had to check it out. Bonus: We found one of Levi's jokes in it! Also, Levi brought Penny into our room upon her waking this morning. She wiggled off of the bed and said, "I mwan foo" which I returned with "You want food?" And she got excited and started jumping. She's communicating!

crying :: over many things silly and not. about newness and uncertainty, getting a new library card (I miss our old library community!) and missing friends, hard lessons learned and grace in abundance. 

Which leads me to ENJOYING :: Him, meeting me here, revealing himself to me continually, a time of new adventures and passions, knowing that someday I will look back on this time and it will all make sense and see I am growing because of it!

photo taken at George Washington Carver National Monument

Sonora's Tulip

Last week, I posted a photo on instagram

 and titled it, "Sonora's Tulip.

Today, I want to share my little story that goes along with that photo.

We love the library, we go on a weekly basis,

and this time of year is my favorite.

There are tulips all over the place,

brilliant white, deep violet, vibrant yellows and oranges.

Everywhere!

Tulips are my very favorite flower,

standing up straight, cupping sunlight.

Last week, Sonora found a picked tulip bud, laying in the dirt, 

she scooped it up and asked if we could save it.

I wanted to see if we could try, so we brought it home with us,

and filled up my blue mason jar with cool water and placed it inside.

Over the next few days the stem that was limp and weak, grew strong and straight,

the bud grew bigger quickly, then burst into the most beautiful white blossom I have seen.

The morning it bloomed, Sonora yelled, "Mom, we did it! We saved it!"

This week on our way back to our car, Sonora was scouring the earth for more dying buds.

She found one and it is now in a glass half full of clean water by our kitchen window.

I love her tender spirit, she who loves to care for all things.

----

Which, got me thinking about how as Christ followers

we should search intently, scour the ground, for those that need our help,

not simply wait for them to find us.

Then scoop them up, give them the Living Water

,

and watch them stand up straighter and bloom into the beautiful creation 

He intended them to be.

Then we'll cry out together, "Father, we did it! We saved them!"

Just my thoughts, I hope you have a fantastic day!

touchstones

This past spring I read this blog post,

and I find it fascinating, the security and love 

behind these simple gestures between a child and parent.

I saw it last week, while Cordie was at her sickest, 
she kept coming to my bedside throughout the night, 
when I asked what she needed she would whisper, "you."

So I laid on the floor next to her bed, then she asked, "you hold my hand please?"

and I did. 

When I thought she was in a deep sleep,
 I tried to sneak out and head to my warm cozy bed,

but she would jerk awake and whine for me to stay,

and I did, and thank goodness at 27 I can still sleep on the floor.

I see it when Penny climbs a little too high (her little purple stool)

or finds herself stuck,

and she whines and cries till either Levi and I go in, 

as soon as we're within arms length she just throws her body to us and melts into our arms.

I see it when Sonora heads into a new and unknown situation,

like when we went to sign her up for school,
 and as we waited in the office she stood as close to me as she possibly could, 
slightly on top of my toes. 

I am aware of my own times when I am visit with my parents,
how a simple hand squeeze from my mom (remember she has the softest hands),
 or big hug from my dad (his are best)
can relax my nerves and leave me feeling loved.

But it doesn't just end there,
as children of God,
loved by the perfect Father,
His Word can be our touchstone to him,
we retreat to Him in our prayers.
After my melancholy weekend, that reached its peak last night,
I find this morning, while reaching for my touchstone,
 that I remember who I am,
whose I am.

And I am greatly encouraged by how John concludes his first letter: 

"And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, 

so that we may know him who is true; 

and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. 

He is the true God and eternal life. 

 Little children, keep yourselves from idols."

1 John 5:20-21

Happy Tuesday, for real!!

snapshots

this weekend was humbling.
and full of fun surprises.

started off my friday with a homemade chai tea with homemade whipped cream!

someone was excited about jacket weather!

hot cocoa by our fire friday night!

---

Humbling moment #1: Saturday morning was gorgeous, so I thought I would take the girls to the park to play and swing. As we arrived we noticed tons of cars, booths and loud music, so we thought we would check it out. We walked over to the swings, and stared at all the fun things going on around us. All three girls wanted to swing, and I begun taking turns pushing each. On my third time around, Nora girl yelled, "Push me harder Mama! I want to go so high!" The Cord agreed, "Push me hard too!" So I did, Nora girl giggled. 

And Cord,

well she went flying out of the swing, 

somersaulting in mid air, 

and landing on her bottom in the mulch.

Mother of the year.

All in front of about 400 people.

So I am brushing mulch out of her hair, 

comforting her, 

while Nora girl says, "um Mom, I am slowing down again."

Seriously?! How in the world did I do this?!

Then a kind woman approached me and said,

"All these booths are completely free. Would your girls like to go play? 

We have Horse rides, games, face painting,

inflatable bouncy house and slide, petting zoo, and sno-cones."

Cord instantly cheered up, 

Nora girl pumped her fist, "Oh Yeah!"

(think Vector from Despicable Me)

"Wow, thanks" was all I could say,

still feeling very embarrassed.

Some nice cowboys brought two horses to give kids rides, Nora girl was a natural,
they were amazed at how easy it was for her to get up.
She told them."I love My Little Pony, I watch it a lot."
Cord seemed really sad about her ride,
I am guessing she was being pretty shy to the cowboy riding with her.
All in all it was a great day, and now they both want a horse.

---

Humbling moment #2: 
Sunday was nice and relaxing.
Church was good, convicting good.
In his lesson to the students, my husband brought up Jesus washing the Disciples' feet.
A story I have heard and read numerous times.
But, this time Levi pointed out that Judas had already betrayed Jesus,
and Jesus knew, yet still continued to serve him.
Talk about a gut punch. 
So often when I feel betrayed and let down, 
I feel justified in my good riddance mind-set.
But Jesus, was sent to death because of this man, 
and still He continued to serve him.
This is the submission and love of Jesus, that we are asked to emulate.
(John 13:1-17)

Yup. 
So I will continue to serve and love, 
asking Jesus to help, because I can't do it by myself.


Thank you cool weather for the nice friday evening with my family.
Thank you Kelly B. Todd CP Walk for the fun saturday!
Thank you Jesus for your example and words!
Thank you Best Friend for your teaching and your serving heart!


What was your favorite part of your weekend? 
Did you have any "seriously?!" moments?
Do you feel like a better parent, thinking, 
well at least I didn't push my kid out of her swing? (geez, you're welcome)


Happy Monday all!

late night frustration/next morning encouragement

I am up late.

Not by choice,

more like demand,

because my toddler 

will NOT sleep.

I have done it all,

laid down with her,

let her lay down with me,

rubbed her feet/legs/back/head,

let her lay on the couch,

etc.

And each time i start to leave

or doze off,

she is up, whining and crying.

It's been over two hours since I first heard her

crying out from a bad dream, (I think).

My break?

It was alright,

I was still pretty present on social media,

but it was nice to be more mindful of it.

I am pretty anxious to be back on here at apple red again.

As I type this, I am waiting out the 

wiggly, very sleepy toddler next to me.

(Please give in to your heavy eyelids!)

Guys, I haven't felt like a great mom lately.

I mean, I know I am a good mom,

and I try to be,

but between poison ivy and pink eye,

I have been extra whiny and tired.

I am just going to say it...

I have been way selfish!

(deep breath)

And I know that I need me time,

trust me, I am not trying to be hard on myself,

but truthfully, I have allowed lots of distractions 

to overwhelm me, and steal my focus.

And all of them I am holding on to,

not quite sure how,

and not really wanting to,

let them go.

And when I try to juggle it all myself, 

I usually end up crying to God in the closet,
or crying on the couch at 4:30 in the morning,

not just because I can't juggle,

but because I am idiotic enough to think that I can,

by myself.

every time.

--------------------

And after 4 hours she fell asleep,

then an hour later the baby got up.

sometimes life is funny.

I know I am not alone in this,

nights like last night,

aren't unique,

some of you have much worse nights.

I am sorry,

because right now I feel for you,

pure exhaustion.

Please, please remember,

that we weren't meant to do life on our own.

Please remind the person

in your mind right now,

who has it rough,

that He wants to do this life with us.

Because even though I am tired,

my healthy 9 month old is babbling 

and crawling around on the floor.

And even though my eye is goopy (yuck!)

it is healing, and won't last forever.

And even though so many things are out of my control,

I am alive, I have today, and I hope to glorify Him with it!

And Jesus spoke these words in Matthew:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

 and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

(11:28-30)

I love you all and its good to be back!

Cordie

some days

most days,

most days are full of fun,

playing,

(cleaning),

creating,

(cleaning),

and dancing.

most days look like this in the summer

P :: 8 months old

some days are full of stress,

tears,

frustrations,

tears,

complete exhaustion.

Thursday last,

that was quite a day.

I had every intention of having a most day.

The morning would be spent running a few errands,

and then playing for the rest of the day.

Levi and I were planning on going on a date,

we wanted to see Star Trek

(don't you?)

We were excited,

the girls were anxious for their babysitter

 to come and play.

But,

we went to Wal*Mart,

(that was part of the plan)

and while we were there,

our Cord took a nasty fall OUT of the cart.

It was one of THE worst feelings I have ever endured.

Waves of emotions engulfed me, 

while the goose egg on her head grew. 

I scooped her up,

while "wearing" Pen Pen,

and checked her out. 

We rushed up front,

an inconsolable toddler,

groggy frustrated baby,

a preschooler pushing her own little cart, 

and a mama with panic in her eyes,

and pit in her stomach.

After receiving some help,

we left, got into our car,

and then I lost it.

Control.

Weeping and scared, I called my husband 

and then headed to his office.

He called the doctor,

I had some water to calm down,

and some wonderful women checked Cord out,

while making all three girls chuckle in the back seat.

(fast forward a few hours)

My doctor was out of her office,

and I had not heard back from the on-call line.

Cord's goose egg wasn't as swollen,

but as it turns out she had also hurt her foot in the fall,

and couldn't walk on it.

So we packed up,

took Nora and Pen Pen to our friend's house, 

and drove to the ER.

(45 miles away)

After X-rays, we found out that there were no breaks

just bad bruising,

 and her head looked great!

Thankful, relieved,

and humbled, we headed home.

I know,

we will go through more injuries.

I will have to watch my children endure all sorts of pain.

It will be hard, 
and I may just want to lock them up in a padded room 
filled with bubbles and ice cream,

but someone very wise once told me,

"I have to remind myself, that they are HIS,

and HE has given them to me."

I pray and hope for my daughters to cling to Him,

because I know I did on Thursday.

And I am thankful for these some days,

for make most days
more precious,
and sweeter.

I rrrreeally need a nap today.

prayer and giving

I am holding my children close today.

I am treasuring every moment.

Image via Facebook

I am waiting for this storm to pass,

but for many,

life is completely different.

Already.

Words cannot describe the deep sorrow

I am weeding through now.

And,

God is bigger.

He is there, in Moore,

helping rescuers,

holding scared children,

comforting hurting parents,

and strengthening communities.

He is here,

comforting our souls,

and moving us to act. 

And while we can't all go to Moore,

our phones have made it 

so easy to help.

Here are two ways to help:

The Red Cross

Text REDCROSS to 90999 

LifeChurch.TV

Give to Relief and Restoration

or

text RELIEF & donation amount to 86613

So,

I am holding my children close today.

I am clinging to my Savior.

I am praying for the hurting.

30 day no make up challenge

My dear friend, Aanna, wrote this post on her blog a couple months ago.

(good stuff, huh?)

30 days with no make up? ehh no big deal.

I thought, I could totally do that.

But...

I didn't,

couldn't.

Why?

I was too insecure.

My nose is too red,

my eyes are too dark and tired, and 

my eyelashes are too unruly.

The words of her post stuck with me.

"she wanted to be comfortable with the beauty that God gave her."

duh,
that's pretty inspiring.

As a mother of three beautiful tiny girls,

I want to be an example to them

of that comfort.

I want to be a mom 

who is secure in her own beauty,

who embraces the camera.

(because let me tell you, trying to capture a picture of me, let alone no makeup me, is quite awkward)

day 1 - see, awkward!

 So, let's do it!

I don't wear much make up, 

I think I am making up for junior high Eden 

with the white and light blue eyeshadow, YIKES, 

but I am now going without

for 30 days.

My new morning routine is

-- exfoliating scrub

-- lotion with sunscreen

-- fix my hair

-- pinch the cheeks 

day 2

I will definitely let you know how it goes! 

disclaimer: This is a personal challenge, I am not judging you on whether you wear make up or not. I simply want to be an example for my daughters. I want to push myself to love things about me I shy away from. If you want to try this challenge with me and need support let me know, I am all about encouragement. 

how long could you last without make up? a day? a week? forever?